” She paused and added, “I would have raised it earlier, but I didn’t want this news to influence your enjoyment of the party and all.”I was d...mbstruck. My brain went into freeze mode. I just nodded to indicate I’d heard her words. Hopefully, she’d know that I was still processing them. I was choked up and unable to speak in any case.She went on, “Nils and I do not plan a monogamous marriage, as you might expect from watching our behavior this weekend. I will always be available for you, and. And it was really hard to have any kind of romantic relationship when you were constantly packing and leaving at the ring of a telephone.But then there was the other side. The people who's lives you touched, who maybe you had a small part in saving. The satisfaction of hearing that imaginary jail door slam when you put the evidence together and had a solid bust. The knowledge that he was good at his job, that what he did mattered and made a difference. He couldn't get that banging a cash. Momhad once told me that I had a fire in my eyes when I performed. I hadnever noticed it before in the playbacks I had seen of my performances,but I saw it now. I wondered if that look had anything to do with therush that I felt when I performed.When the first verse came to an end, the video switched back to where Iwas kneeling on the stairs. The pain and anger on my face was subtlydifferent. It was almost as if I was mad at myself for letting thetomatoes and the jeers from the crowd get to me.. He also didn't approve of fighting in public establishments. To him, fighting was always an outdoor sport, unless you were being paid for it. In the past, he and Uncle Donald had been in at least three fights with each other, but in none of them were they allowed to fight to a conclusion, where a clear winner would have been declared. Both men were tough, but I'd have had to give the overall edge to my father. He operated without limits as to what he'd do in order to win. There had been a time.
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