On the other hand, I liked this doctor and wanted her to have a high opinion of me and, somehow, the idea of her thinking of me as a middle-aged man w...th prostate problems made me sad. I definitely was not going to ask her to examine my prostate, rather I was going to ask her if she thought I could get a Prostate Specific Antigen (PSA) test given my history of intermittent urinary flow problems despite being younger than fifty, which is the age where the PSA test is usually recommended. I. “So,” I said, “this is your library?”I stood in front of two large bookcases that took up half of one wall. My eyes wandered over the titles, but I didn’t read them. I was wondering what to say or do next.“Yes,” Richard said, rising from the sofa. “Well, I mean, it’s the living room, but that’s the library part. All the books I’ve read since college, not counting all the ones I’ve given away to people or the real library.”He stood directly behind me. I could feel the heat from his body, inches. One of those exercises was, he said, based on Aikido. He said that one of the reasons that men reacted badly to spouses, bosses, and even police was because those people triggered the shame reflex in us and we didn’t know what to do with it. But by using the Aikido technique of grounding ourselves, we could flush the negative responses out of our body by letting them flow through us and into the ground.Hey! I already told you this was a bunch of new age crap. But it promised to open up a path. I froze in place, unable to move, as I watched my wife being impaled by those men and knowing from her moans and the way she pushed back against the man fucking her, that she was enjoying it. I wanted to step in and stop the men from using her, but then I remembered what my friends told me about Faye in college, and I was envisioning the things she must have done in the fraternity house. I never thought I would allow something like to happen, but I couldn’t force myself to either look away or.
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