It wasa huge, huge, mental block I had to overcome...to admit to myself oranyone else that I was attracted to boys. I had dealt with sexuality upto no... by not dealing with, by doing everything I could to block it out.I had several one-on-ones with my therapists, heart-to-hearts with mom,and more than one session with the three of us. What it came down to wasI was a heterosexual female now. Maybe it was hormones, maybe it wassocial conditioning, maybe it was something else. I don't know what. So you kissed me again and I held not. Your lips so soft and your touch as well pretty much broke my defenses down...when your hand grabbed my crotch and I didn't pull away a sign said kiss him again was in light and bright for all to see. When you kissed me the third time you grabbed my neck and push my face into you more. I was in your hands as we kissed tongues and mouths so hard that my knees began to buckle. I could of tongue kissed you forever. Then as your hand unbuttoned and unzipped my. It wasn’t a big deal – I could gripe about it with Bettan and Karin. I didn’t look forward to meeting Birger again, though, I just knew he was going to say something smug and idiotic. The party went off to a good start. Yussef and David didn’t drink of course. They had learned quite a bit of Swedish in these weeks, but conversation still was special. A lot of giggling and innovative ways of making ourselves understood. Peter said very little. He had his getting-drunk experiment going and he. I guess I’ve been somewhat successful.”There was a rift of laughter around the table at my understatement and some mild applause. I hadn’t meant the sarcasm, but realized what I’d said could be interpreted that way. After a pause, I went on.“But not quite a year ago, I met Elsa. My life changed in the span of a few minutes of idle chat at a party Andy, Margo, and Sheila took me to. You see, I had a huge hole in my life and I didn’t know it. When I realized it, I discovered I was willing to pay.
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