I’ve had a lot of time to process. It’s not like it was with Birgit.”“No, but it’s still going to hit you hard when she’s really gone. Jes... needs to be aware of that.”“What about you?” I asked. “You two were really close when we were living in the apartment.”“Yes, we were. But I’m not you. I want Jessica to be aware that you’re going to break down.”“Bethany and I have talked about it,” Jessica said. “And I spent quite a bit of time talking to Jennifer about what happened when Birgit. I pat dry and do my nails,usually a bright red.This all takes 45 minutes.Then I spend another 45 putting on my make-up.My eyes are hazel so I emphasize them with dark green eyeshadow bordered in black.My lashes are also long and black.My lip-stick is bright red to match my nails.Then I begin to dress.I've brought along what Darrel likes me to wear.Black lingerie.The bra I fill with natural looking and feeling DD prosthetics.I attach my ultra sheer black stockings to a garter belt that rides. The scars, the pain, the vast emptiness that filled me. They meant nothing to a man who never had to fight for his right to live.‘All I hear is human noise. You made your own fucking choice. I belong to only me. Silence for my revelry ... I can only die over time. Filthy hands, stay away from mine. Every reason is a right to hate. Painful clutch. Death is fine, gimme mine. Only one of us walks away‘ Corey Taylor screaming his heart out brought the wave crashing back into me.The hospital wing of. You know how they are. They are all good kids. Someday, they will make fine men. But now they are bold, aggressive guys. Yes, I know. That is why they got their scholarships to play football.I keep my drinking contained from Sunday night until Friday night. On Friday nights, I stop at Blockbuster to pick up a movie. Then, I stop at the ABC store for some VO or Canadian Club. By eight PM, Jimmy is either at a frat house, game, or the library. I get sad, a little teary eyed, and drink, while.
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