"I don't think I ever have. At first, I started out trying to have a relationship, but none of the women I dated could I have loved the way I loved Vi...ky. One day, I just gave up on the idea of finding love again and started having meaningless sex. I found myself getting involved in relationships that I knew had no future. I stayed in them until I couldn't take it any more. I think in some way I was trying to punish myself for letting Vicky go." You must be very unhappy Lyle. Haven't you. That even though Nick had failed him, Grandfather still felt he was the best there was. It was basically all I had to go on. Other than my gut feelings.Adam’s voice came to me again, “If you so desire, I can start vetting a new security chief.”I frowned. I had enough on my mind without having voices in my head as well.I said, “No...” It was more to myself that I said it. It wouldn’t do to have Nick start thinking I was talking to myself and mad as the ‘Mad Hatter.’ I couldn’t be sure just what. After afew more seconds, she said, "Let's get you something to wear and thenwe can try to figure out how much you've changed."I nodded at that, knowing that she had to be wondering what kind ofpersonality changes, compulsions, or obsessions I might have gainedduring my twist. I gulped, not having thought about those until now.But I did still feel like myself in my mind, so I hoped that was a goodsign."I don't think your own clothes will fit you very well," mom musedthoughtfully. "Stay. Even through the closed door, it was unquestionable.The shock was unbearable, and the wave of rage that followed almost uncontrollable. Strangely, it was that very anger that moderated my reaction, because it was so strong that it reached a voice of reason inside, what little remained, that told me I was too angry to be rational, and that I should cool down before confronting them. With great difficulty I tore myself away from the door and left the house quietly, driving away to find a place.
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